I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
