I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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