i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
