your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
