i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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