Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
