I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
PANTIES FOUND
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