i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
