Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
