So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
