Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
