Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
