please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
