WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
