i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
