You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My vagina is officially offended.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
