I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
