All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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