If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
