you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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