he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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