Old men and throwing up are my life now.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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