The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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