TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
