Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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