I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
