just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
