I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize