you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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