Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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