I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
