i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
