there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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