Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
