I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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