I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
