So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
