i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize