you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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