I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
