in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
