I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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