I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
