Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
