She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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