Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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