Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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