Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
