I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
