i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
and you fell through a lawn chair
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
