masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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