are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
