I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize