gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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