At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
