College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
