cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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