Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
