She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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