it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
