Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize