Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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