Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
