dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
