LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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