yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
