arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
