I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize