saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
