i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
