just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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