im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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