I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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