so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They took my balls.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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