R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
