did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize