Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
