I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
