there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
