so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
