i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
