Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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