escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
