Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
