Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
