I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
