how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize