Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
