he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
