i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
