Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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