Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
