whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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