ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
