I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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