im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize