U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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