how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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